Respect

When this word was suggested to me by a good friend and why she thought it was important, I told her I would pray on it.  Over the next hours (and also during church service) the word kept rolling over and over again in my mind.  Do you remember the song by Aretha Franklin, “R E S P E C T, All I’m askin’ is for a little respect … just a little bit?”

When my friend shared she will be celebrating her 51^st wedding anniversary this year, I was excited to tell her my husband and I are also celebrating our 50^th this year.  I think you’ll agree that times have changed since those 50 years have passed, especially when it comes to the sacrament of marriage.  However, that word is still key – Respect.  My parents were married 54 years before they passed.  My in-laws were married 70 years.  People used to ask my father-in-law who lived to 99, “What is your secret to a long life?”  And he would answer, “Number 1, good genes;  Number 2, Don’t smoke or drink excessively; Number 3, Marry the love of your life.”

Relationships of any kind, but especially marriage, don’t come with a perfect set of rules to follow.  When we stand before God and say “I do” so many things will surprise us as we travel that marriage road.  It isn’t for the faint of heart.  What I’ve learned from the examples of my parents and my in-laws is something buried from our sight but needs to be always present for a marriage (or any relationship) to not only survive but to thrive.  Respect!  If you and I are not respectful to our spouses, how can love thrive?  When attempting to grow a tiny seedling, it needs to be planted in well-drained soil, fed nutrients and given plenty of water and light.  Marriage is no different.   A husband and wife need a foundation where their married life begins; and that, I believe, includes God being a part of the union and all throughout, your foundation for success.  Marriage needs to be fed nutrients – positive words like please, thank you and many times making sacrifices when you would prefer to walk away.  Selfishness will dry the soil and damage the roots.  

The bible says to honor your father and your mother, but when you become one in marriage, you MUST honor each other too.  If you’re always speaking ill to them or even apart from them, your plant cannot grow from lack of good nutrients.   The smallest of words can make a difference.  When I say I’m sorry, following a heated argument, (sometimes when it’s very difficult), that’s where healing takes place.   And your partner needs to accept your apology, also when it may be difficult.  That’s why the biggest part, other than love, is respect.  Being respectful of each other is the light that allows your marriage, your relationship, to shine through even the most difficult days.

If I speak words of love and do not show respect for that person, I may as well not speak at all.   My friend was beaming when she announced her 51 years of marriage.  I’m sure all their days have not been perfect and have produced numerous challenges.  But, like our marriage, I cherish every single day I’ve been able to be honor and love my husband, my best friend and the blessing God has bestowed on us.  We definitely couldn’t have done it without Him!  May God bless all marriages and honor and respect this blessed sacrament.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”  1 Corinthians 13:4-5